It Doesn’t Stay Bad for Forever
It’s been a minute since I last wrote, anybody who knows me knows writing for me is such an escape. Whether 5 people or 500 read it, it helps me and I hope it helps those who do read what I have to say. As you all know I'm very honest and I surely don’t hide from the tough conversations. I wouldn’t call this a tough conversation, but it's an important one nonetheless. The past 6 months for me have been absolute garbage.
The past 6 months have been filled with arguments with my family, problems at work, and problems in my personal life, and golf has been top to bottom miserable. Everywhere I turned, life kept going from bad to worse. This has probably been the toughest stretch of my life and I know that sounds dramatic but that's what it really felt like. It was one of those stretches of life where I felt like things were getting better when something major happens and it pulls you right back down to where you started. I just felt like my life, dreams, and happiness were just slipping away from me and there was nothing I could do about it. There was even a point where I didn’t care what happened to me. I just thought it couldn’t get any worse so why bother. I'd wake up every morning and literally expect something bad to happen, whether it was work, golf, my family, or friends, it didn't matter. I just expected the worst for 6 months. The hardest part about suffering is believing that it doesn’t last forever and that is the biggest problem. When you are in the middle of suffering it's so hard to see the other side, you just feel so stuck, but I'm here to tell you that while it may seem like it’ll be bad forever it won't. When I looked back at the turmoil and the difficulties this last 6 months have been I began to look deeper and not what I lost but what I found along the way. I found fortitude, the kind that despite the shit storm that was happening in my life I still managed to get through it. I found kindness, the type of kindness that you find after you’ve been treated so poorly by people. I found joy in places where I never knew joy even existed. I found patience, the kind of patience that keeps both feet on the ground. When life gets bad and you struggle you feel like you are on unstable ground, finding that patience that keeps the ground beneath you firm and sturdy saved my life. The last thing I found was people. I found some of the best people life could offer to me, I found people who will go to the ends of the earth for me, I found people who love me, and I found people who believe in me. Like they always say double the pleasure and divide the pain. That actually got me through this time in my life. The people close to me took on my pain and helped me get through it.
As this year comes to an end and I look back at the last 6 months it's bittersweet and I know that sounds weird after all I've said but it is. It’s sweet because, for the first time in 6 months, I finally feel like I have some idea of control of my life and I'm not stuck in this constant cycle of suffering. It’s also bitter because you simply learn more from the bad times and the losses than you do from all the wins and successes. It’s almost poetic that during one of the most challenging times of my life, I've learned more than I could have ever imagined. As 2024 comes to a close I encourage all of you to do a few easy things that have made my life that much better, First; wake up every morning with a purpose, get the most out of your days, second; be kind to everyone, but most of all be kind to yourself as much as everyone deserves it so do you, third; call mom and dad, I know life is crazy, messy and shitty sometimes but it's better with them in your corner and lastly count your blessings every day.